Hurrah! We’re going to stop telling people to be more confident!

2026 update thanks to Women In Architecture

Two years ago, frustrated by the knowledge that so many people were giving and receiving this feedback, I wrote a blog post titled “Stop telling people (including yourself) they need to be more confident”. I think it always comes from a good place but without the how and the right support, it’s really unhelpful.

And who says the digital space doesn’t move quickly, a couple of weeks ago I was approached by the wonderful Tarryn Leeferink who had stumbled across that blog piece and it resonated. Tarryn invited me to chair Women in Architecture’s workshop on confidence.  With Sabrina Klor, Sarah Beth Riley, Oliver Lowrie and Trisha Pradhan, boy did we lay that piece of feedback to rest. Hopefully to be replaced with something more considered and a shared endeavor around building confidence.

Insight during this session was plentiful.

Sabrina Klor, Chair of Women in Architecture and CEO of 10 Design said we need to move from confidence being considered as something we see, to something we enable. So less, equating loud voices and quick decision making with competence and more thinking about ‘what’s the culture we need to create for confidence levels to increase?’

Sarah Beth Riley cantered through her career, highlighting the confidence highs and lows before drawing three conclusions: find your people, remember everyone is uncomfortable so take risks and, find sponsors.

Oli Lowrie presented his confidence hack which was to create a strong LinkedIn presence. Followers and engagement on social media can open doors and reinforce credibility and trust so post regularly was his advice (I’m paraphrasing!).

Recently qualified Architect Trisha Pradhan spoke from an earlier career perspective. She talked about finding sponsors and then advised that you don’t need all the knowledge but it’s good to know how to respond when you don’t. She suggested a phrase such as ‘I don’t know but I will find out’.

That theme of building the right environment for people to speak, listen and grow couldn’t have been more timely, because this session coincided with the release of the latest episode of The Listening Post Project podcast. In it, Emma Keyte, Karo Bryant, Tom Dobson and I talk about creating the right metaphorical spaces internally and externally for listening and speaking freely.

In the spirit of continuing to challenge feedback that sounds positive but offers little in the way of practical support, I’m moving on to the next frustratingly unhelpful phrase I know people receive: ‘keep going, you’re doing great!’. Blog post or podcast or both incoming!